It's back to school this morning, but not before I spend a few minutes sharing how wonderful our weekend was! The weekend was absolutely beautiful, and had a full moon to boot! We spent part of Saturday celebrating our nephew's birthday with a picnic and a trip to the zoo. The rest of the day was a combination of front porch time, reading, cooking, and being together as a family.

Sunday was such an exciting day - we ventured out to Lifelight. Lifelight is the largest free Christian music festival in the United States. Three days worth of people brought well over 300,000 people from my understanding. We ventured out to the venue (a field) on Sunday afternoon to listen to Decemberadio, Andrew Palau, Lincoln Brewster, and the Newsboys. What an exciting and uplifting time this was! To be immersed in God's message of truth and life, sitting and standing and praising God amongst thousands of other Christians...words fail to express the emotion. From my understanding, many unbelievers attend as well, and I think they would be hard pressed to walk away without feeling the Spirit!

Honestly, though, what touched my heart more than anything was seeing TJ, JT, and JD worshipping their Lord and Savior with hands raised up, singing along with all the Newsboys songs that they knew - glorifying God and praising him. My prayer for them is to have this faith ALL through their life! Andrew Palau spoke of being wayward for 27 years - it doesn't matter if you have a pastor as a father, or are raised in the most biblical of homes. Children with the best parenting in the world still stray from the path they were raised in. But, Andrew's parents did the only things they could - they loved him, prayed for him unceasingly, and continued to speak the word of truth to him. Eventually, (27 years later!) Andrew recommitted his life to the Lord. It gives hope to me as a parent, but I think it is also important for my kids to hear of these things that pull them away from what they believe - alcohol, drugs, pornography, and much more can lure them away from God. Standing firm through the trials and temptations is extremely difficult, but ultimately rewarding. I pray they came away from Lifelight with that message!

Andrew Palau:

Main stage:
Sunset:
Rockin' out with Lincoln Brewster:

May God continue to bless and keep our families safe in his fold, now and forevemore!

What a difference a day makes. From mid 90's and high winds the past two days, to 55 degrees and overcast today, the change is significant. You can't help but notice the difference the minute you crawl out of your blankets that you certainly didn't need when you went to bed in an 81 degree house! (We knew we just had to make it to today to cool the house down -one less day using the AC!)

As I was driving home from dropping the car off for service this morning, I was thinking about the weather changes over the past few weeks. For some reason, it made me stop and think about our parenting style, our values, our decisions we have made in regards to homeschooling our children, and I realized (for the umpteenth time)how amazing God is. He doesn't fluctuate, he doesn't change, he is ever faithful, ever loving, everlasting. He is the constant when everything around us is revolving. And this, my friends, is what you can cling to as you guide and parent your children.

May seem like a stretch - how does this all fit together? Well, this week we continued in our bible study Lies Women Believe, and we focused on the chapter regarding lies women believe about children. One lie that struck me was that "Children need to get exposed to the 'real world' so that they can learn to function in it." This is a statement I hear fairly frequently due to the fact that we have chosen to homeschool our kiddos. We have a plethora of reasons why we have gone down this path, and, admittedly, limiting exposure to the world outside our walls is one of these reasons. We don't hole them up and not let them out of the door, but we feel quite strongly that we are seeking to strengthen their awareness of God's plan for their lives, building up their defenses for fighting off the Enemy, and preparing them to be a light in a dark world. But, we do get the questionable looks, the doubting thoughts, and the inevitable question of when are we going to send them to REAL school?

God has a plan for our children, and our job as parents is to seek it out and pray over how we can best guide them in their formative years. That is why it is so amazing that God is never changing. When the world spins out of control, he is IN control. When jobs are lost, mistakes are made, tragedies occur, HE is comforting. When friends go by the wayside, HE stays by my side. These are the joys of Jesus that I want to teach and instill in my kids. I don't think I want to throw my children out in the world without helping them truly know this foundation on which to stand. We, as a couple, are seeking to "raise not just "good" children, but children who enthusaistically embrace the Truth, children who love righteousness and hate evil, children who will be used by God to change this world." (Lies Women Believe, p. 173)

It is one thing to have a knowledge of good and evil - we see it in classic movies today and most children can pick it out without difficulty. But, this knowledge needs to be taken a step further to then have our children know to flee from evil - to resist, to step away, to thwart, to reject it. Not simply because it is evil or wrong, or mom and dad said they should, or they know someone would tattle on them...We need to help them see the need to reject evil based on the truth of God's Word. We want them to love the Lord their God with their entire being - and we are up against Satan here! He is fighting us tooth and nail to put doubts in our kids' minds, to tempt them, to tell them it's "okay" to put themself first. What a strong opponent we face. So, we are trying to combat him with everything we have, and our main defense is protection in Christ Jesus. Now is the time to help them cultivate that personal relationship with him, so our kids can experience firsthand the joy of knowing their Savior as friend.

Children know and see and do what they are exposed to in these formative years. The pressure from peers is immense. We are countering that by encouraging them to choose friends that will lift them up and support them, rather than cut them down. We, as parents, have to continually look to what we are exposing them to through our choices in movies, music, and television. Parenting isn't part time - it is a full time, real time, all the time role that is a GIFT from God. We cannot misuse this responsibility and must evaluate constantly what we are modeling to our children on a day to day basis. If we are not in the Word, they will not see the value. If we veg in front of the tv for hours on end, they will see the tv as an important taker of time. What do you model to your children?

So, again, are our kids sheltered? Perhaps. Do they have limits on the computer, tv time, and other outside influences? Yes, to a degree. Do we think that they are not being exposed to peer pressure, evil, and wrong doing? Absolutely not. We know they are being exposed every single day. But, we are trying to arm them, and provide the weapons for battle. Because, only by preparing them with a foundation that cannot be shaken, and helping them see how our God is ever faithful, only through this can our children resist being conformers, but, instead, become transformers through Him!

Today, help your children be "wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil" (Romans 16:19). Then, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

May God grant you the courage and wisdom today to shelter your children in the shadow of the Almighty.

I was planning on wrapping up my parenting series today, but found that I had two topics of value to share. Rather than make one REALLY long post, I will separate them out and allow each their own individual spotlight! So, the series continues, and my rambling as well!

Today's topic has to do with caring for others. I have a son who has so much compassion for others. If someone needs something, he is the boy for the job. Compassion just comes naturally for him, whereas we are finding we need to work on developing it more in the other two. This used to bother me immensely, because I wanted my kids to always do the right thing immediately.

"Say you're sorry to your sister."
"How would you feel if someone did that to you? Now, go apologize!"
"I know it was an accident, but it is still the kind thing to say you're sorry."

Shouldn't these things be automatic? I'm realizing they're not, and our role as parents is to work on developing this area of the conscience so that we can teach our children to take initiative instead of relying on us to prompt their actions. If we do that, it will, once again, be more than behavior modification - it will be heart change.

Hebrews 13:18 is our guiding principle for compassion: "Pray with us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way." Did you see the term "honorably"? The definition of honor is to treat people as special, do more than what's expected, and have a good attitude. We need to look no further than the Gospels to see our prime example of honor - did not Jesus treat people with honor? He is the example to not only our children, but to us as well.

So, how do we raise awareness of honor in our children? We need to have a plan in place to help them become more aware of others, and thus, show a compassion for others as well. For example, speak to your children about what honor means. Tell them what it means to "Honor Your Father and Mother". Discuss the implications and how honoring is a command given by God. Have them start each day with an idea about how they can honor one another, and help them find specific examples in which to do so. For instance, instruct your child to set the table as they normally do. After it is completed, suggest they do something to honor others (do more than what's expected). Perhaps they fill the glasses with ice, or collect a pretty bouquet of flowers. Maybe they pull out the chair for a little one or their sister. Another idea comes in cleaning the living room. Everyone picks up and does their part. Time is up, and then you tell them all to "take an honor look." What does that mean? Again, honor is doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude. It's fluffing the pillows, putting away a toy that is not your own, grabbing the Febreeze and spraying down the couches...that's honor. Teach your children to do honor activities and it will become part of them. One additional idea...give them extra money in their allowance, but the intention is to give it away. They are to honor someone or something with the extra. Enjoy the excitement as they think about what they could do - is it giving it to church, or perhaps pooling their money with that of their siblings to buy a toy for a shelter? What honorable action can they come up with?

We must teach our children that honoring others is a God directed activity, and they must lead their hearts to do so. They cannot do it alone, so we must have a plan in place to help guide them in this way. Take the time to examine yourself as well, as many times we do not honor others with our words and actions. Go above and beyond, and show your children how to do the same.

May God guide you in your endeavors and give you wisdom to raise your children to honor others.

Next time - dealing with rules...

My dear hubby and I are sitting with our backs to each other in the office area and having some great quality time pounding on our computers. He's entering receipts into Quicken, and I just finished entering a bunch of checks into his business to sustain us for another couple of weeks. While it never seems quite convenient to take the time to do the task, I do have to thank and praise the Lord that his business continues to allow me to be home with these beautiful children and be a full time mommy! So, whether I feel like it or not, I need to take that to heart and keep it as a blessing, as opposed to a burden of time.

Now, once again, it's after midnight and I had great aspirations today to create a wonderful sonnet of words to entertain and delight you, but to no avail. It's been one of those days when you run from morning until night. I did have an enjoyable lunch with my family as we went to a local Mongolian BBQ called Hu Hot to celebrate a late Mother's Day. We had planned to eat out that day, but it didn't quite fall into place...and this was a perfect substitute and a wonderful break in the middle of our day.

I have so much I want to say, but lucky for you (teehee)I am tired and ready to head off to bed. I had planned to wrap up my last parenting post, and move on to some other great material that I am weeding through, but sleep is calling...No way do I want to miss that call! :) But, in the meantime, I am reposting my last three parenting posts in case you missed any of them. I will plan on sharing the final installment tomorrow sometime.

Parenting seminar, Part one
Tightening Your Action Point
Dealing with Wrongs

Until then, have a great day, and I am looking forward to visiting you all! Thanks for stopping by, and if you are new to my blog, I'll come see you soon!

Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful blogging friends. May God grant you the wisdom to continue to parent your children through his grace and love.

In my two previous posts about the seminar we attended, I noted the importance of bringing the conscience to the forefront as well as tightening your action plan. I want to speak today to the aspect of dealing with wrongs. This is working on the emotion of guilt, and how to use correction appropriately in order to strengthen the conscience once again.

Proverbs 6:23 speaks to how God's commandments are our guiding principles and firm foundations to raise our children. "For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life." Correction is how our children learn and grow. It takes courage and humility to admit you did wrong (this is true for adults as well!!) Again, by working with the conscience, we can help our children to feel good from the inside out. Help them see that Satan is crouching at the door, just waiting for an opportunity to pounce. They are the warriors, ever on guard with the armor of God. They can be the heroes in their story by overcoming evil with good and using their training to conquer the nasty sin that wants to tempt and overtake them!

But, due to the fall of man, your child will, at times, fall to sin. But, each time they do, it is an opportunity to improve. Remember, when disciplining, work with the heart, rather than the actions, to overcome wrong.

1. Pull your child aside, get down on their level, and ask, "What did you do wrong?"
2. Then, ask, "Why was that wrong?"
3. "What are you going to do differently next time?" (Help them learn from their behavior)
4. Release them from their guilt (Psalm 51:10) "Okay, go ahead and try again." (Shows you have faith in them that they will do better, clears their conscience, and helps them have a fresh start.)

Perhaps you have a child that struggles with anger when they are wronged. Perhaps they lash out, or hit. Help your child to see that anger is good for identifying problems, but not for solving it. So, they have to have a plan! Discuss with them how they can handle their anger for good - have them suggest ideas that will help them the next time. Maybe it is counting to ten before responding or walking away (shows self-control). Maybe they can offer a toy prior to a sibling grabbing it (thinking of others). Perhaps they stay and work through it (patience). Make sure your child is aware of the "background" of why or how they should do something, so again, it's not about modifying the behavior, but about doing what God wants them to do, and doing it from the heart.

I have seen firsthand how well this works in the past few weeks. I have been trying to be acutely aware of bringing each conflict, disobedience, or lack of respect back to the "bottom line". I find myself no longer saying "good job" but "you really showed great self-control in that situation." Or, instead of "That's not the way we do things around here!" I have changed to, "You are not showing respect for me in your tone of voice." My best tip is to keep the fruits of the Spirit at the forefront of your mind, and, more than likely, you will be able to come up with an example of something lacking in almost every situation of discipline. I know this is working because my children are responding with "heart" talk once I ask them what they did wrong. I may have to probe a bit, and ask some leading questions, but instead of "I shouldn't have yelled at my sister" I am more apt to get "I should have been more patient with my sister." Who knew this would actually work??? :) Unfortunately, they're not perfect yet, and still providing me lots of practice. ;)

Three other key points that I want to make sure to convey. One is that we often, as parents, don't allow time in our day to discipline or correct our children. We are booked from end to end, and any kind of disruption in our day (read: conflicts!) cause our blood pressure to sky rocket and we cringe at the inconvenience of dealing with the problem. We don't have the luxury to NOT deal with these problems, becasue we are the parents. We are put on this earth, by God, to raise our children in the way they should go - to follow his paths and his leading. We cannot parent during commercials. We cannot parent when it is convenient. We must parent and discipline when needed, and often it is at the most inopportune moments. So, therefore, build cushion into your day, to be able to allow time to correct and work with your children. You will need, in step 3, time to work through a plan so your child can learn from their behavior and change it! Don't short change your time and don't short change the learning opportunities that present themselves.

Secondly, look at yourself and see if you, as a parent, have some heart issues you need to deal with as well. Do you struggle with patience? Maybe God has given one of your children a personality that challenges you in this area. Draw near to him to help you overcome this challenge. Do you act quickly out of anger? You are a role model to your children - have them see you remove yourself from the room, count to ten, pray for self-control, - let them see you have a plan and have them hold you accountable. Just because we are older, we are not always wiser. Nothing humbles you more than your children seeing where your faults are. Work on them, ask for forgiveness when needed, and learn from your slip ups. Your children will respect you all the more if you do.

Finally, we are a society in which there is little to no accountability. We must stop this trend in our own homes as quickly as possible. Instead of relieving your children of the pressures that exist in this world, put the pressure on them to do what's right. Challenge them, encourage them, and equip them. They can be strong, but they will be strongest if they stand in the Word. Help them to see this through your example. Let them know that they can be heroes in this world - ones who honor God, and honor others. Don't sugar coat it and tell them it will be easy, but it will be honorable, and God will reward them in the end. By struggling, and even suffering, we know this... "Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us..." Romans 5:3-5. We are doing nothing but helping our children by guiding them to do what's right, and only through God's help can we know the way to do so.

Thank you, Lord, for being with us as we parent our children. Guide us and direct us in the ways you intend us to go.

Stay tuned - What to do about rules will be in a future post!

I promised a few days ago that I would talk more about some topics from our parenting seminar, and, boy, did the days get away from me. I have so many things to say, and nary a minute to type them it seems. Lately, I have been innundated (in a good way) with so much worthwhile information on so many fronts. From marriage, to parenting, to living a full life as a godly woman, to nutrition, to family, I have so many thoughts I want to share. I figure, heck, if it hits home with me, it will with someone else as well. And, if not, at least I can refer back to it sometime!

The parenting seminar we attended a few weeks ago spoke to a number of issues dealing with the conscience. If you want to read about that aspect, you can find it here. Today, I want to speak to the idea of "tightening your action point." This is the area in which we could use a lot of improvement - well, one of many. :) Say JD is downstairs and I call him up because we need to get ready to go to town. I know, in my mind, that he is probably going to need to change into a decent pair of pants, put on his shoes, gather up whatever he thinks he needs for the ride in the van, go to the bathroom, get a drink, and get his coat, all before we can head out the door. Five minutes later, I call him again, saying we are going to walk out the door in 5 minutes and I need him ready to go. Five minutes later (or thereabouts if I haven't gotten distracted with something in the meantime) I yell at the top of my lungs that he better get his butt up the steps and into the van before I take away some privilege because he is not listening to me. (Of course, you all know that this is strictly an illustration and something that would NEVER happen in our home...) So, why did he come? He came because there was something that triggered action on his part - most likely, my yelling at the top of my lungs. I had said the same thing three times, but he knew that I meant business when I yelled it.

This seminar spoke to this problem - why are our kids not obeying when we tell them something? Why do they not respond immediately? Most parents need to look at tightening this action point and meaning what they say. You can't tell your kids to go to bed, and not have a routine in which to do so. You can't parent during commercials. You can't demand a response and not carry through with discipline. BUT, your kids know what the action point is - you can, most likely, ask them about when they know to do what you say.

It all ties back to the conscience and helping your children develop the awareness of doing what is right, and caring about others. Anger isn't necessary to get a response, but firmness may be. Make sure you are using instructions versus suggestions. "JD, can you get your coat on?" vs "JD, you need to get your coat on and get in the van." The first indicates that there may be a choice in the matter while the second explains the instructions. Firmness indicates a line in the sand that will have consequences if they cross it...harshness is emotional and not always rational. Firmness ties the instruction to the conscience and speaks to being responsible, looking out for others, cooperation, and consequences. By voicing our instructions, and expecting results, we can step away from behavior modification and work on conscience building - which has long term results.

How do you implement this? First of all, it helps to be working specifically on the conscience with all your disciplining in your home. To keep the conscience at the forefront, you can speak to how it is affecting a relationship (you really showed patience while helping your sister...) If you are speaking from a biblical perspective as well, you can speak to how God requires children to obey their parents. This, obviously, won't matter much to a child who has a conscience which is not greatly developed, so you may have work to do to make the awareness more acute. Then, you may need to speak to your children about the change in your household. If you have previously given your child chance after chance to perform a duty, listen to an instruction, etc., tell them that you will now be expecting them to respond to you right away. You can give them warnings about something coming up if you so choose, "You have five minutes until your computer time is over. Plan accordingly." But, the important thing, is that you must follow through once you state the desired action.

"JD, I need you to put your shoes on to prepare yourself to leave. You are responsible for getting yourself ready and you need to start now. When you are ready, report back to me." (Don't need to give the time frame - that may trigger procrastination)

Steps to help the process:
1. Have the child do the job requested
2. Instruct the child to report back to you when finished
3. Check the child's work, providing feedback
4. Release from work to free their conscience ("Okay, you're free to go.")

Use eye contact, hand holding, and get down on their eye level to assure they are listening.

What if they don't do it? What if they refuse?

We'll talk about "dealing with wrongs" in an upcoming post!
Addendum: After re-reading this post, I feel I failed to mention something vitally important...Ask God for the wisdom to parent your children effectively. Don't try to do it on your own. Pray for the Holy Spirit to work within your child to bring his/her conscience to the surface and KEEP it there. It is only by God's love and his grace that ANY of this is possible. Pray, pray, pray!

Last weekend, our family attended a parenting conference sponsored by our church. We were blessed to be a part of this program - it helped to solidify that we are doing some things right, but also need to continue to work harder in specific areas.

The title of the seminar was "Parenting is Heart Work: Everyday Parents CAN Raise Extraordinary Kids". It was put on by the National Center for Biblical Parenting, and our guest speakers were Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. If I would have written this post the day after attending, I think it would have been twice as long. But, since I have a long list of "to do's" and a short amount of time, I just want to summarize a few key points that have "stuck".

First of all, this seminar dealt primarily with the parts of the conscience. The four parts are:

• Do what's right
• Deal with wrongs
• Be honest
• Care about others

The entire seminar is based on the principal of making the conscience more sensitive and developed. Sometimes that requires a heart change, and we have to work on developing these heart qualities to have the change be internal, not external. In other words, instead of behavior modification with rules and rewards, we will utilize conscience awareness.

So, sounds great in theory, right? Sure, we want to develop these qualities...who doesn't want a kid who is respectful, kind, considerate, truthful, etc? Well, first and foremost, these concepts are deeply seeded in God's word. God works with a person's conscience in these ways:

• Convict of sin - John 16:8
• Provide forgiveness -1 John 1:9
• Helps fight temptation - 1 Corinthians 10:13
• Provides power to do right and avoid wrong - Ephesians 6:10-18
• Guides into truth - John 16:13
• Confirms honesty - Romans 9:1
• Reminds of the right thing - John 14:26
• Lives inside believers- John 14:17
• Makes God's teachings clear - 1 Corinthians 2:10-14

So, if these are part of God's plan for us, and our children, we are called to help guide their conscience and teach our kids to take initiative to to do the right thing. Some of my children know their conscience and listen to it very well, some have it buried so deep that we are needing to work hard at making him more aware of it each and every day. Do you say, "Good job" or do you say, "You showed great self control in that situation." How about, "It was nice of you to help your sister." vs "I really noticed you showing compassion in that situation." While they may all seem like positive comments, the second examples in each are using "heart" comments - comments that reflect the fruits of the Spirit. By using these as part of your compliments, as well as part of your disciplining techniques, you will continue to keep the conscience awareness in the forefront.

Tomorrow: Tightening your action point and using heart concepts while disciplining....