I wanted to share with you my special Mother's Day gifts that I received a couple of weeks ago...

From my son, JD...On his own, at age 11, he remembered that I needed a necklace that I could wear with black clothing. So, he called up my niece who makes jewelry, and put in his order. He sent her some of his hard earned allowance, and received this lovely creation to give to me. What is extra special on this is the way he thought through something well before the time he needed it, and initiated and followed through with his intention all by himself, without any assistance from dad! He really is growing up and showing that he is able to think of others!

From my middle child, JT. A special card with a well written poem, along with a child being held by the hand of Jesus. He handed me the card with the poem, which was a kick off to a full house scavenger hunt that he had created, with the prize of the sculpture at the end. While the sculpture may have been borrowed from another room in the house, the intention was amazing, and the poem was personally created by his loving heart. The poem (unedited)reads:

Mother, Mother you teach me well.
Mother, Mother your really swell.
Mother, Mother I love you.
Mother, Mother so do you.
Mother, Mother you take care of me.
You taught me the difference between a bee and a tree.
Mother, Mother your the best,
I'm trying hard not to be a pest.
Mother, Mother your important to me.
Mother, Mother why can't you see?
Mother, Mother your beautiful.
Your hair is softer than freshly brushed wool.
Mother, Mother you help pick up,
You did it whne Baxter was a wee pup.
Mother, Mother you pick up thumbtacks
So after I'm done please look on the back.
Mother, Mother this is my gift from me to you,
Just please say that you love me too.

Miss TJ pulled out a sweet little Strawberry Shortcake that she wrapped up especially for me from her favorite toy collection. Not to be left out, she found a special little box to wrap it in, and waited excitedly for me to open her gift. Oh, the joy to give a special present and know the recipient will cherish it always.

Last, but not least, my dh worked long and hard at creating some new garden boxes for me to finally get my herb garden next to the house, along with a salad garden and a mismatched treasure of heirloom tomatoes. We have a fairly decent size garden up away from the house, but these little boxes serve double duty as erosion control as well as produce "producers"! So here is the before... And the after... The plants are in, and the flowers for the borders added today. Now, we just have to add some decorative grasses in front of each, and we'll be set for this year. We were going to do just one, but my dh got going and decided that it looked better with three, and, of course, I agree.

Any time I have more room for fresh produce, why would I complain? (Oh, but I will, just as soon as those weeds start invading!) It was a wonderful day and I am so thankful and blessed to be wife and mommy to this family!

Well, lucky for all of you, we have now hit the final installment of Sarah's dissertation on Marriage and Relationships. :) The last session we attended was given by John Trent, entitled "Small Changes, Big Results."

Bottom line, don't wait until things get bad to make the corrections that need to be made now. In your married life, we go through stages and phases, and it becomes easy to become status quo, ordinary, predictable, and comfortable. While all these things can be okay, it also doesn't provide for growth and stability in your marriage. If you are not moving forward, you're actually going backwards. How can that be? How can holding steady be a bad thing?

Well, I would argue that your marriage, just like your relationship with Christ, is a dynamic entity. It needs nourishment and protection. It needs to be nurtured. So, if we are stuck in the same ol', same ol', we are not putting time towards strengthening the very union that will pull us through when circumstances are not so normal, or are tested, or are troubled.

That is why John Trent recommends the two degree difference - making small little changes rather than overcorrecting when something has gone awry. Relate it to driving - to keep it between the lines, you make minimal adjustments frequently. If you fall asleep at the wheel, and wake up when your tires hit the shoulder, you quickly and abruptly turn the wheel, causing the vehicle to potentially careen out of control. This can cause irreversible damage, and perhaps have long lasting consequences.

In the same way, with your marriage, make little things meaningful each and every day, even if you feel they are insignificant. These two degrees may be in the form of an attitude adjustment on your part, a kind kiss at the door, a respectable comment rather than a sharp retort in a disagreement, a touch, a peck, a timely phone call. All these things are little, meaningful gestures that help your spouse know they are loved, cared for, respected and significant. If you stay on the path of little corrections along the way, and keep Christ as the focus, you may be able to avoid sharp, critical U-turns in the future.

I was reminded of a thought today when reading a fellow Love Dare participant's entries (thanks Angie!). She was speaking to feeling convicted about her nagging about socks on the floor and other things her husband should be doing. (Yes, been there, done that!) However, it brought to mind my mother's words after losing her spouse at the tender young age of 37 (yep, my dad). She told us how she would always complain about him leaving his socks by the bed, and the fact that she would always be the one to pick them up. Now, she would trade anything in order to daily throw them in the hamper herself, just to have more days with him. It's all in the perspective.

Grasp and hold tight to the one you love. Each day may be the last, and we want to live it without regrets. Praise the Lord we are blessed to have the promise of reunion in heaven if you have Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. But, for each and every day on earth, I choose the path of loving my spouse, with the assistance and blessing of the Most High God.

What greater gift have I been given here on earth?

How's that for a loaded title? Stick with me though as you see me somehow tie them all together. Not sure yet how, but we'll see what I can come up with. :)

As I continue to share my thoughts on marriage, (trust me, I'm almost done with the seminar and then we'll go back to our regularly scheduled blogging), I want to focus today on Gary Smalley's open discussion. Many of you may have heard of Gary as he has been around for quite awhile, and is a leader in the area of family relationships. I truly appreciated the transparency of all the speakers from the conference as they shared that they too are ordinary people who struggle and fail within their own marriages. They were authentic, and you could relate to the challenges they face on a day to day basis.

Gary confessed to trying to change his wife for many, many years. He only recently has come to the conclusion that his heart was full of himself, with only a small corner of it focusing on Christ. But, as he prayed and meditated on God's word, he was touched by Proverbs 4:23 and found God's love for Christ and others to be edging out the focus on himself.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I love coffee. Love it. If I pour myself a cup of the good stuff in the morning, and don't stop when I get to the rim, what's going to happen? It will pour out and spread, won't it? Now, think of your heart as the cup of coffee. If you fill your heart with God's word, God's love for others will eventually overflow and spill out, and ultimately, it will spread. You can't meditate on God's word, and not have an outporing of love in word and actions for others. So, if you are critical of your spouse, dig into God's word. Pray for God to change your heart. Only God can give you the love for others that mirrors his love. But, if you genuinely desire this, you will touch others, and you will touch your spouse with a love that is only possible through God's love. Will that change your spouse? Only God can take that job. But, you can be an instrument of him through your words and actions. Are you shining God's light through you in how you respond when your spouse walks in the door at the end of the day? Are you calling on God to help soothe your soul when you are hurt? Are you focusing on things above, rather than the mundane of below? Work on your own quality of life by improving your relationship with God.

Okay, we watched "The Bachelor". I admit it. We started a few weeks in and generally did a quick DVR run through to see who survived the rose ceremony. Once we got down to the last 4 or so, we stuck with it and named our favorites. But, we had not had a chance in the past two weeks to watch so the recordings were piling up. So, last night we sat down to fast forward through most of the episodes to get to the good stuff - the final decisions.

We were honestly floored as to how many times the comment was made, "I need to follow my heart."

Those of you who have seen the movie Fireproof know why this didn't sit well with us.

Granted, this is a reality show, but the people involved were a microcosmic study of all that is wrong and troubled with relationships today. The myth of following your emotions was perpetuated beyond belief. People were nodding, audience members agreeing, yes, you need to follow your heart. You can't fault someone for doing so. Love is leading. My head is telling me this is the right decision. Then, when asked, the Bachelor defended his position and how he will tell his son in the future that you need to do what is right. You need to follow your heart, with integrity, even if it may mean you hurt someone.

We need to stop the myth right now. We need to talk to our kids about leading your heart. LEAD your heart. Don't flow on the stream of emotions, because those feelings are going to fade away, ebb, flow, change. LEAD your heart, and lead it in the direction you want it to go. Go with God's help. If you have girls, pray for them to be led to a godly spouse, one who loves the Lord, and will take their role as the head of the household. If you have boys, pray they will be led by the Lord to a spouse with a heart of respect for her husband, and submission to his authority. If you, right now in your marriage, are feeling there is no hope, or the feelings are gone, or the path would be easier with a new model, or someone who doesn't know all your baggage, LEAD your heart. Lead it to hear God's calling, lead it to reflect on your marriage covenant, LEAD it to the path God is intending for you.

As for "The Bachelor", I hope they are happy. I hope they make it. I hope they find true love. But, I know this...no love is true unless it is based in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Because reality is, romantic love ebbs. Agape love lasts. The word needs to get out - it's not about following. It's about being a leader.

Where are you leading your heart today?

As I continue to review our journey on Saturday, my summary today is in regards to the divine source of marriage. Del Tackett is president of the FOTF Institute, and Senior VP of FOTF. He teaches The Truth Project, a very strong Christian worldview bible study which is amazing.

I love Del's style of teaching, and he worked directly out of the concepts from The Truth Project lesson on social order and the family. He speaks to the idea that the family is all part of God's social order and design, and mirrors that of the Trinity. He states that marriage is just as concrete with God's creation as the sun, moon, stars, etc. Marriage is God's divine mark on the universe, and it was not a random act.

Do you notice how, during creation, God says, "It is good. It is good. It is good. It is good. It is good. It is good." Then he has, what Del calls, the divine pause. He then states, "It is NOT good..." Does that mean that what he created was a mistake? Not what he intended? Not perfect? Not good? No! He pauses, and then states a significant point. "It is NOT good for man to be alone." Exclamation mark, by God, on the importance of marriage and relationships. Nothing is random with God. He is a God of order. He knew what he was doing and wanted us to know the same. This shouldn't be minimized or overlooked.

But, God doesn't stop there. God provides us with blueprints for our marriage. Think of an atom for a moment. The neutrons and protons live in harmony in the nucleus while the electrons continue to move about in the electron cloud. Do they need a blueprint to work correctly? No, they obey the order in which they were created by God. They don't question, they don't stray, they obey. But, we as people go astray. But we are not left alone. Ephesians 5 provides us with the information we need to follow God's plan for our marriage. The husband needs respect like the woman needs love. Love and respect each other as Christ intended. Finally, don't overlook 1 Peter 3:7...a caution for us all. If you feel like your prayers aren't being heard, take a look at your relationship with your spouse...
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
Del goes on to say how nothing makes him tremble in his boots to think of God not hearing his prayers. Amen to that!

Once last point. Del speaks to submission very eloquently. I challenge you to think on this. Just as Jesus submits to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39) so a wife is to submit to her husband. The world has put a horrible, negative spin on this term, and I believe it to be, in its intended form, a term to ensure protection under her husband, the spiritual leader of the family. It doesn't mean you're a doormat, or a slave, or one who has no say, but it is the husband's role to lead the family and a wife's role to come under his authority. I believe this is naturally in place when the roles of the marriage are done in accordance with God's will. A point of contention for some, but I will willingly submit daily to my husband's role as leader of the family, when it is concordance with God's design. Nothing makes me feel more loved, protected, and secure than knowing my husband is guarding our marriage and family with God's help.

Do you see God's design in your marriage? Is his thumbprint firmly inprinted in your daily interactions? Are you following his blueprint to ensure a healthy and happy relationship? You can't do it without God's help. Call on him today to experience true agape love from him, because only with God's assistance can you pass it on to others, especially your precious spouse.

I am thinking that this will be a multiple post day. I have so much to say, kids to thank, stuff on my heart, wow. Look out people...my fingers are flying. Suppose I had better also teach my children though so we'll see when these posts get done!

I did want to talk a bit about Beth Moore, who was our second leader at the conference. Now, if you haven't heard about Beth Moore, she is founder of Living Proof Ministries and is a great teacher to women. She had an interesting talk, and here are a few nuggets I feel compelled to share.

Beth states that she has a "good" marriage. She doesn't claim it to be great, or awesome, but it is good. And, she is satisfied in that realm. Women are often not satisfied at good. We want great. When we have great, we want awesome. Sound familiar? It did to me. I personally am someone who always thinks something can be better, improved, enriched. But, we need to be careful with this thinking, especially as women, because our men will never measure up if we continue down that line of thinking. So, she stated this, "When your spouse or your marriage isn't enough for you, it doesn't matter. Jesus is enough!" Isn't that the truth? We want to use our husbands as the meter stick to tell us how much we are valued and loved. But, they can't be our all in all. Jesus, however, can give us everything we need. In HIS eyes we're intriguing, we're interesting. In HIM, we are always loved and cherished, each and every day, even if not by your husband. There is no shortage of love in an intimate and personal relationship with Christ.

She challenged us to spend every moment making your spouse feel no regret in choosing you. Belittling and being condescending to your spouse will do you no good. You can't control your husband's mind, or his actions. You can only control your reaction to them. Piggybacking on Gary Thomas, everyone stumbles, and you knew many of your spouse's stumbles before you married him, yet you married him anyway! Regardless of whether you thought you could change him with your will, or if you accepted him as he was, you need to spend your days continuing to choose him.

Marriage is the most powerful, visual symbol on earth of the image of Christ. We have no choice, as Christians, but to honor it as such.

I challenge you today to not fight with your spouse, but to fight for your marriage. Choose your spouse today, first and foremost, second to yourself, second to your whims, your whines, and your will. I challenge you to work on making YOURSELF the best, greatest, most awesome wife you can be. Let that be where you spend your energy rather than in changing your husband. Realize though, you can't do it alone. You will need to center on Jesus to be beautiful from the inside out. Remember, "Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and (then) all these things will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

Love them for all their worth.

Until next time...

What a blessing it was today to be able to attend the Focus on Marriage Simulcast today at our church. We were blessed to be a part of it, and I pray that all those involved were touched as we were.

I want to share a few things that I took away from the conference. First of all, Jeremy Camp shared some great worship songs, and it was great to start the day imagining how we were worshipping with 500 other simulcast locations across the nation and Canada, along with the host site at the FOF location. Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, was probably my favorite for the day. He had numerous points which helped me see marriage in yet a different light. He spent some time on looking at the theme that marriage provides a context in which to improve ourselves...each and every day. What lesson is God teaching you day in and day out as you seek to become a God-centered spouse? We are called to love at all times. Maybe something your spouse does causes you irritation. Is God calling you to be patient? Maybe you have a temper that is easily triggered - Is God calling you to purify yourself and become slow to anger? No other situation on earth provides us the opportunities to improve ourselves, yet there is no way, not with the best of intentions, or the best heart, can we do it OURSELVES. To draw closer to your spouse, you must draw closer to God. One cannot be done without the other. Because, to draw closer to God will convict you to love your mate unconditionally, despite his/her faults. It is not so much that you have the "how to" but that you have the "heart to".

He used Matthew 6:33 as a key verse, stating, in the marriage covenant, if you seek righteousness and the kingdom of God, happiness will come. Will this happiness be in the form of a great marriage, or a spouse who suddenly is attentive to your every need, or improved intimacy? Not necessarily. But happiness will come in the form of our soul being right with God and us leaning on him for our needs to be met.

Gary also posed an interesting thought. He had sat down with a newly engaged woman and asked her about her future husband. She gushed for 15 minutes saying, "He is this, he is this, and he does this, and he is that, and he...." and on and on. Later, he asked the same question of a woman that had been married for 6 years or so. Her reply was, "He isn't kind, he doesn't do this, he doesn't do that..." Gary asked, "When does a man start being known by what he isn't, rather than by what he is? Marriage?" May I, God willing, be a woman who says, "My spouse is," rather than, "My spouse isn't."

I look at my marriage and see a daily challenge to become more than I am today, with God's help. I see daily choices available to me to choose love. I see God crafting my soul when I need to take the view that my spouse will stumble, and I married him knowing that full well. But God created his son(my husband) to be loved, and my love for him is a form of worship and praise to the Lord for creating the man I married. I see God at work in me, purifying and sanctifying me with every decision I make. The challenge is to make the right choice in my decisions. Choose your spouse. Each and every day, hour, and minute. By choosing your spouse, you choose God. Don't turn your back on the second best gift you have been given, second only to Jesus Christ.

Yes, that was only speaker number one.

Enough to ponder for one night...