How's that for a loaded title? Stick with me though as you see me somehow tie them all together. Not sure yet how, but we'll see what I can come up with. :)

As I continue to share my thoughts on marriage, (trust me, I'm almost done with the seminar and then we'll go back to our regularly scheduled blogging), I want to focus today on Gary Smalley's open discussion. Many of you may have heard of Gary as he has been around for quite awhile, and is a leader in the area of family relationships. I truly appreciated the transparency of all the speakers from the conference as they shared that they too are ordinary people who struggle and fail within their own marriages. They were authentic, and you could relate to the challenges they face on a day to day basis.

Gary confessed to trying to change his wife for many, many years. He only recently has come to the conclusion that his heart was full of himself, with only a small corner of it focusing on Christ. But, as he prayed and meditated on God's word, he was touched by Proverbs 4:23 and found God's love for Christ and others to be edging out the focus on himself.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I love coffee. Love it. If I pour myself a cup of the good stuff in the morning, and don't stop when I get to the rim, what's going to happen? It will pour out and spread, won't it? Now, think of your heart as the cup of coffee. If you fill your heart with God's word, God's love for others will eventually overflow and spill out, and ultimately, it will spread. You can't meditate on God's word, and not have an outporing of love in word and actions for others. So, if you are critical of your spouse, dig into God's word. Pray for God to change your heart. Only God can give you the love for others that mirrors his love. But, if you genuinely desire this, you will touch others, and you will touch your spouse with a love that is only possible through God's love. Will that change your spouse? Only God can take that job. But, you can be an instrument of him through your words and actions. Are you shining God's light through you in how you respond when your spouse walks in the door at the end of the day? Are you calling on God to help soothe your soul when you are hurt? Are you focusing on things above, rather than the mundane of below? Work on your own quality of life by improving your relationship with God.

Okay, we watched "The Bachelor". I admit it. We started a few weeks in and generally did a quick DVR run through to see who survived the rose ceremony. Once we got down to the last 4 or so, we stuck with it and named our favorites. But, we had not had a chance in the past two weeks to watch so the recordings were piling up. So, last night we sat down to fast forward through most of the episodes to get to the good stuff - the final decisions.

We were honestly floored as to how many times the comment was made, "I need to follow my heart."

Those of you who have seen the movie Fireproof know why this didn't sit well with us.

Granted, this is a reality show, but the people involved were a microcosmic study of all that is wrong and troubled with relationships today. The myth of following your emotions was perpetuated beyond belief. People were nodding, audience members agreeing, yes, you need to follow your heart. You can't fault someone for doing so. Love is leading. My head is telling me this is the right decision. Then, when asked, the Bachelor defended his position and how he will tell his son in the future that you need to do what is right. You need to follow your heart, with integrity, even if it may mean you hurt someone.

We need to stop the myth right now. We need to talk to our kids about leading your heart. LEAD your heart. Don't flow on the stream of emotions, because those feelings are going to fade away, ebb, flow, change. LEAD your heart, and lead it in the direction you want it to go. Go with God's help. If you have girls, pray for them to be led to a godly spouse, one who loves the Lord, and will take their role as the head of the household. If you have boys, pray they will be led by the Lord to a spouse with a heart of respect for her husband, and submission to his authority. If you, right now in your marriage, are feeling there is no hope, or the feelings are gone, or the path would be easier with a new model, or someone who doesn't know all your baggage, LEAD your heart. Lead it to hear God's calling, lead it to reflect on your marriage covenant, LEAD it to the path God is intending for you.

As for "The Bachelor", I hope they are happy. I hope they make it. I hope they find true love. But, I know this...no love is true unless it is based in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Because reality is, romantic love ebbs. Agape love lasts. The word needs to get out - it's not about following. It's about being a leader.

Where are you leading your heart today?

Well, I thought it would be helpful to continue to blog about The Love Dare and how I'm progressing... You know, keep a little on-line journal reflecting on not only the journey through the book, but also talk a bit about the Fireproof Your Marriage class Brad and I are teaching on Sundays. I'd like to report that I am just doing fantabulous and this is the best journey I have ever taken -

But, I'm not into printing lies. This blog is about the truth - painful as it may be. :) The road that I have taken has become a bit bumpy. I've come to a screeching, abrupt, dig in my heels, I don't want any more of this self-reflection, this is too difficult and I don't want to change, my marriage is just fine, don't analyze this to death, halt.

Okay, maybe that is a bit overdramatic.

However, I have been stuck where I'm at for a good week I think. I'm been trying to figure out what it is that keeps me from moving forward. Why not go on to the next step? Take another dare? Am I not brave enough, motivated enough, strong enough? What am I afraid of?

I'm trying to get those questions answered in my mind - and with my Bible. Right now, my thoughts on the process are so crazy that I can't seem to spend one moment on one train of thought without all the other thoughts coming in to beat me down and make me question what I am doing.

But, I firmly believe that our ol' evil foe, Satan himself, is at the root of this problem. He is rearing his ugly head and pushing me in the opposite direction that I need to go. He is grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the marriage God desires me to have. He is testing my faith, daring me to fail, telling me lies like "You're not worthy", "Brad will just disappoint you anyway", "What's the point?", "Everything is going to backfire", "Look how he's paying more attention to everything else", "See how unimportant you are?" and many other thoughts like these. And, Satan is subtle. He uses little, everyday life scenarios to make me question everything I'm doing. I feel much more vulnerable going through the book and seeking what I can do to get better, while Satan is right there whispering in my ear how unfair it is that I should make all the changes, that I should be the one to do things better, and on, and on, and on, ad nauseum.

He's a nasty little guy. I've been down in the dumps for about 5 days due to him.

But, he's not going to win. He's going to have to back off and get out of the way, 'cause I see what he's doing to me. It took me a few days, but I finally recognize it.

It's a battle, but I've got my armor on now. I think I was missing a few pieces, but now I am fully cloaked. I may slip, I may fall, but I will always get up. I've got a Savior uplifting me, and he's stronger than anything I face on a day to day basis.

Just writing this is going to help. I just know it.

Plus, God promises that it will be better - James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Now, that's a promise worth remembering.

So, if you dare to take The Love Dare, don't do it without your Lord and Savior by your side. I have him with me and it is still a struggle. Realize you are going to face trials. Satan is going to persecute you and make you question every move you make.

Don't let him in.

Stand solid on the rock of Jesus Christ.

I dare you. :)

As Dennis Rainey said this week in one of his sessions from his Family Life Today radio program, "If you aren't actively working on your marriage, you're losing ground." Brad and I had a discussion about that because marriage IS hard work. But, there are many days that you don't want to do the work - not spend the time with your spouse, do what you want to do, not put the other one first...you know the feeling. And, let's face it, who wants marriage to be "work"? Who wants to refer to it that way?

When we were discussing this, Brad initially said that he didn't think you would actually lose ground if you weren't actively working on your marriage. So, as we talked about it, we decided that if you are invested in your marriage, then you are doing the things you should be doing to improve and continue to grow your marriage...things like putting the other person first, looking out for the needs of your spouse, showing love and/or respect. And, if you are doing these things, you are moving in the right direction. Marriage is a dynamic process and always in need of work. It never reaches the goal of perfection.

But, as I said before, no one wants to think of marriage as work. My prayer is that you see the time you spend with your spouse as one of joy. I pray that you don't see yourself having to WORK at your marriage, but instead see it as a calling from God to do his bidding, to follow in the design he intends. Wouldn't it be great if it could be second nature to leave our selfishness behind and eagerly look to serve the other? Love that is unconditional will do this, despite the circumstances. But, as I am really learning in The Love Dare, it can't be done on our own. We have to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit to truly carry out this challenge. Spend time in the Word. Spend time with your spouse. Take the time to invest in your marriage, and explore your relationship.

Be in the Word. We know we cannot change others, only the power of Christ can do that. But, we can be assured that Christ is our Lord and Savior, and his example to us of perfect love is amazing. Strive to follow in his footsteps and choose to love, respect, and honor your mate as Christ intends. What a blessed gift we have received in the marriage covenant. May it always be honored and cherished.

I admit, as soon as Brad found out that I was doing the love dare challenge, it seemed to cause me to slack a bit. The excitement of doing all these things for him without his knowledge was no longer as strong, and I needed to take a step back and analyze why I was doing this. Was it for the thrill of his recognition? Was it to look good in his eyes? Or, was it to truly grow and be a better wife? Unfortunately, all of these things may have been true. But, ultimately, the last question is the most important. I do desire a stronger, more intimate marriage. I do know that it won't happen overnight. Some days are easier than others. It is VERY difficult to put the other person first when everything within you screams to do it your way. It is a huge lesson in personal sacrifice, and a humbling experience in how selfish you are as an individual. It is a dare to become stronger in the Word, and become a better person, spouse, and mother.

It is a challenge that I cannot do without the Holy Spirit in me.

So, I am trying. By God's power, I am trying. May I ever be his faithful servant, imperfect as I am.

I'm on Day 16, Love Intercedes, and I'll probably be there for a few days. I have some things to get right in my heart before I feel I can move on effectively. Thank goodness I don't need to do it on my own.

But, I'm blessed to be a part of this journey. I'm blessed to have a patient husband. I'm blessed to love the Lord and blessed that He loves me more. Despite everything. Praise the Lord.

(Love)always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:7

Well, I guess this is a good thing. I've been outed. Is that how you spell that? Anyway, around Christmas, on one of the Barnes and Noble sales, I bought The Love Dare. Now, this is not the type of book you give as a gift to someone else. Somehow, I think you'd be taking several steps backward if you gave this to your spouse. In essence, you are saying, "Gee, I think you really need to use this to love me better, because what you are doing is obviously not working or adequate. So, go ahead and march through the 40 days, then get back to me and we'll talk."

Now, if you gave your spouse The Love Dare as a gift, I apologize for my above statement.

However, if you didn't, I would recommend getting it for yourself as a gift for your spouse. (Wow, that's confusing.) Let me explain. This book charts out 40 days of daily life lessons that you can do to improve how you treat your spouse, how you approach him/her, how you can improve and grow and strengthen your love. I have a good marriage. I have a husband who loves the Lord, loves his family, loves to be with his family, and tries to put us first. While all these things are true, I don't always treat him the way I should. I am selfish, often put my needs first, question him which directly speaks to my respect for him, and can sometimes be a nag. I'm not too proud to admit it. So, now I'm in a 40 step recovery program to improve on all that. That's what I call it anyway.

"Hello, my name is Sarah, and I have a problem with loving my husband unconditionally."

"Hello, Sarah."

Seriously, don't we all have a problem with that? Can't we all do better? I love how this book lays out simple steps each day to make you more AWARE of what you are doing, supporting it with biblical principles, and then challenges you to do something specific each day to grow and improve your marriage. That's why I think it is such a great tool. Because I don't want to have a good marriage.

I want to have an awesome, out of this world, love has no bounds, spectacular marriage. And, I believe God wants us to have that, too.

So, last night, my dh asks if I am doing something like The Love Dare. Of course I look at him blankly to see what he means, and ask why he would ask such a thing. He responded that it seemed like I was being more kind to him (gasp, have I been unkind?), touching him more (I am not a touchy-feely person), and just have been acting different (PTL, he has seen a difference).

Well, I finally 'fessed up that I was working through the book, but was only on Day 11. (Sometimes, I have to spend more than one day on a lesson to really give it justice, you know) But, I was always hoping that he would see a difference if I went through this endeavor, so I am excited that he has. I pray that I can keep up the changes to improve and further invest in the best earthly gift I have been given, that of my husband.

Brad, you are the best thing that has happened to me. It is a joy for me to learn how to love you more. I love you. I will always try to live by this verse:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5

That's one of many I am trying to emulate. I'll try, I'll fail, but I'll keep moving in the right direction. Thanks for your patience.